I don't miss Sri Sri !!

After a huge storm of emotions, I got it! Thanks to Vinod, to be there whether I be rude, sensible, stubborn, angry, blunt, confused and ... (feel free to complete the list ;-)) Without you, my journey to him (Guru / Sri Sri) is incomplete! Without you my this very life may have gone a waste! Thanks for being there! 

Thanks to Mangesh, for all the pictures in the blog. Copyright reserved :-)

My dear Guru,

Why should I get disturbed by a situation

When its you who created it around me

When Its you who smile throughout it in me

When its you make me grow at the end of it

Why should I ever dis-love anyone

When its you who is breathing in them as me

its you who is playing with me through them

its you who wants to bring skillfulness in me 

Why should I get disturbed by cravings and aversions

When its you who is present in them all

When its you who make them raise within me

Its you in which they get settled at the end of it

Why should I bother about my future

When its you who is going to decide it

its you who is going to be with me throughout it

its you who is going to remain constant within me

Why should I miss you at all?

When you are always there in and around me

When you witness present moment through me

When you are present in me as me

Why should I bother about enlightenment

When you are the light in light within me

When you are source and cause of me

When I be a Fool or intelligent you are me

Love,

Neha :-)

Shhh... Its secret to meet Sri Sri !!!

This story is about very very special person who is going to reveal me secret of how to meet Guruji! She is my co-teacher for this course, GeethaJi.

Today is last day of the course in ashram. And to our excitement we got appointment to meet Guruji with all our course participants. Ashram teacher took appointment for all of us along with ashram course participants. As the course got over, we were 15 minutes late to reach the venue! :-( Ashram team was already inside! The guard was not allowing us to go in! Secretariat claims that it's the Ashram teacher who took appointment and not us! We didn't had anything to prove she actually had taken permission for us. When we called Ashram teacher her mobile was switched off! Ahh... welcome to divine chaos! ;-)

Some were busy in convincing Secretariat, some busy in talking to guard. And nothing was not working! GeetaJi, who just arrived asked me what happened? I explained her full story. She just looked at me with sparking eyes and said "No one is there in between you and the guru. None of these guards or any teacher, Secretariat, SwamiJi exists! Its only your connection to the Guru!" That very moment I closed my eyes and told Guruji in my mind "Guruji, please meet these participants!" I have not yet finish this line and I hear a voice asking "What happened? Send them inside!" (He was one of the member of Secretariats) as I open my eyes and see some of us were already inside!

Geetaji looked at me and said "I told you!" I was feeling so lucky to be in her presence! Having this conviction is the real wealth! And here I, was standing beside a wealthy lady! Wealthy me!!! :-P

After this incident I was wondering how much power does this so called real physical world has? We judge people by their physical appearance, their expressions, their speech but what is it that drive all of it? What is it which trigger a thought in one's mind? What is it which makes emotions changes for no reason! Why do we like something now and some other time want to go for some other options! What is it which drives the physical world? If physical world is just a toy of unseen energy why do I associate my anger, jealousy and non-acceptance to a physical form of a person? 

I remember, once I asked Guruji can you give me boon to meet you whenever I want? He replied "मैं तो बस ध्यान में मिलता हुँ!" (I meet only in meditation!) So true! I was caught up in outer world and did not realize I already had a jackpot! If at all there is something more beautiful than his physical presence, it's the state of deep meditation! No pleasure can beat the pleasure of deep meditation! Those who have done "Advance Meditation Course" and "Sahaj Samadhi" know it!  :-)

JaiGurudev,

Neha.

And I fainted ;-P

My health condition continues to remain poor. And one fine fresh morning, the world turns blurred! I drink little bit water, open my eyes and world turns blurred again. This time quite intense. "Ahh! who the hell is interested in looking blurred things" I thought and I decide to close my eyes. The feeling after closing the eyes is exactly same as what I feel after taking my "sahaj samadhi" mantra! I choose go inwards into the world of bliss, peace and nothingness. When I open my eyes I see two people are lifting me! Opps! looks like I fainted! ;-P

It was strange experience to come back again in my senses! I slowly open my eyes. First thing that I see from bottom of my eyes is my own body. The clothes and body looks familiar! I give little strain on my memory thinking where did I see this before? In no time I recollect "Oh its me!". Oh I fainted! followed by concern "Am I fine!", "Am I safe!" When I figured out everything is pretty cool I had fishy smile of surprise "Oh man! I fainted! First time in my life, I fainted!" Strange thing was as I come back to my senses, I feel so calm and serene as if I just woke up after deep mediation/rest.

Question is where did I go when I fainted? I have not idea what happened to my body. Off-course it had fallen, but I didn't feel any pain neither I have any idea about how did it fall. I had no connection to my body whatsoever! But I was! I definitely was somewhere! I was existing! Though not associated to my body but I was! The experience was quiet similar to that of a mediation! Now another question arise where do I go when I meditate! Forget about it where do I go when I sleep? I am definitely not the body! I can and did exist without any connection to the body! Then what is it that is connecting me to this body right now?

Am I really my body? I was not connected to my body but I still WAS! Am I my five senses? I was not sensing anything but I still WAS! Am I my intellect which discriminates right and wrong? Nothing inside was discriminating anything! I was simply resting in peace, resting in blissful thoughtless state! Am I my memory? Ahh to my surprise I had no attachment to any person, object, event or anything when I fainted! Just a feeble acknowledgement that "Guru IS!". "Guru is" not in physical form but "Guru" as tatva/principal is! Just like I was! Am I my ego? :-D :-D There was no question of ego as I alone was! There was no one else to feel the ego! There was no concept of "world"! 

Then who exactly am I? Which existed! Which WAS! Who is it that was resting in peace? Who is it that is seeing the world through five senses? Who is it that is experiencing the concept called "world"?

Jai Gurudev,
Neha

Answer By Gurudev !

I can't resist myself from writing this post! Today it's not first time when Dinu (Dinesh Ghodke) behaved like Guru! I recall my advance course with Dinesh (Maitri hall at Ashram). The advance course was going superb. Satsang was going on. But I was not happy. I told Guruji in my mind that "All this is good Guruji! but you are not here! If you were here you would have sung me!" Immediately I don't know from where Dinesh comes on stage (till then I was not even aware that he was there in the hall) and start singing! I mean I have never heard him singing in any advance course ever! It was like Guruji is telling me where are you looking me? I am here right in front of you! My tears started rolling down out of contentment! As Guruji says "मुझ मे और ज्ञानी में भेद नहीं है!" 

The last Happiness course I have taught was in complete sickness! I was not able to walk comfortably, take warm-ups! But I am sure that none of my students could identify my health condition! That's the grace! Though I was very grateful to get an opportunity to teach course, what was bothering me is I couldn't attend Satsang! Finally on the last day of course, I plan to go to ashram with my course participants! :-D And imagine what happens?? We have not even started warm-ups and Guruji comes in car, and says "Hiii" to all of us! :D 

I am still surprised from where and how Dinesh miraculously come to take a session for course participants! Thanks to Rajni and Nivedita for organising this! It was just few days back when Dinu came on the last day of my own first Art Of Living course! (Called YES!+ at that time) Everything appears exactly like a dream! Imagine what happens next! Even today he talks on the same topic i.e. "Love"!  ;-)

I was sitting quietly in the end of participants wondering if this is dream or reality or what I think as reality is actually a dream! ;-) Wondering, how much of transformation has happened to me in just two and half years when I did my first Art Of Living course! I was feeling so grateful for this path and Guruji! But still I was stuck with last 6 days of satsangs that I had to miss! I really wanted to get answer from the guru for my last poem! (Refer http://chaitanyaneha.blogspot.in/2014/05/answer-me-gurudev.html) 

At one point of time I just told Guruji in my mind that "All this is fine Guruji but you didn't answer my question!" And here Dinesh, I don't know from where started recalling what Guruji told in satsangs which I had to miss because of evening course. I got excited! Something inside me gave me intuition that this must be the answer to my poem by Guru that he gave during last few satsangs! Dinesh says, Guruji told in satsang that "When you get doubt if I love you or not or if I am your guru then this doubt itself is a prove that it is! Because what do we doubt on? Positive or negative? If somebody says "I love you" we doubt on their love. But if somebody says "I hate you" We immediately reply back and saying "I hate you too" we do not doubt the negative. So if you are getting doubt feel good because there is surely something good and positive on the other side. Feel happy about your doubt! 

Love,

Neha

Answer me Gurudev !

This blog is only for those fortunate ones who have experienced magic of satsang with Sri Sri. Only those who have experienced the joy of sitting in satsangs can realise how painful it is to be in Bangalore and miss a satsang! If at all there is anything worth achieving in this dreamland called "earth" it is only company of YOU.

My Guru,

When I teach course and miss the satsangs, 

Do you also miss me in the audience?

I do feel your presence in the course, 

Do you also feel me during the satsangs?

If meditation can bring many siddhis, 

can you give me siddhi to be with you when I wish?

I am just a being crazy for your presence, 

Do you also feel sad for me in my this absence?

Every-time I hug Dinu, I feel I hugged you! 

Do you also feel me through him?

Every-time he speaks I feel you spoke to me! 

Do you also see me listening through him?

When I talk to you so intensely, 

do you listen clearly as if you were sitting in front of me?

When I ask you something so innocently, 

why do you keep quiet as if you want me to explore this?

When I have so many questions for you, 

why do all look so small and senseless when I see you?

When knowledge is the ultimate, 

why do I discard it all and dive in the silence when I see you?

When I crave for you so badly in longing, 

do you also go crazy and spend time writing for me?

When I see you with tears of gratitude, 

do you also feel you don't want anything other than me!

Love,
Your Longing :`)